Drained
It seems like I do nothing and still feel lazy and uninspired at the end of the day. Why would I feel that way when I have a full time job that wakes me up at 7am and puts me to bed at the crack of midnight. My work hours are not unlike any others. My commute time is probably better than most. What’s the problem here?
My zodiac sign has two fishes swimming in the opposite direction; I’d heard it described that way by Billy Corgan on Charlie Rose once. Sometimes I think I remember too many trivias than my brain has signed up to carry. I’ll have instant recall on these thousands of bits and pieces of information that few find of any value unless it’s seen as entertainment. What has retention of all those information done for me? Yet, the funny thing is, I sometimes blank out on the most obvious. Just a couple of minutes I could not remember who the lead singer of Smashing Pumpkins was. I had to Google it. Good thing I did because I learned for the first time the band was from Chicago. And to make an emonome out of it…I’ve recently been to Chicago, Corgan’s birthday was yesterday, both he and I wear a lot of black, and Charlie Rose has a black eye.
Every night I return home and find an excuse not to do any work. I’ve been planning on writing that script series for a month now. But I’m already at a stage where I’m trying to convince myself that I’ve not been because the idea isn’t, perhaps, that good in the first place. Such load of shit. It’s a good idea. Couple of people have told me so.
Maybe there is the problem. I shouldn’t have talked about the idea. I should’ve written it. Then talked about it. It’s not about jinxing it. It’s about telling myself - “Oh good, a good idea it is - now I can rest for a few weeks because I’ve accomplished so much by coming up with a fucking idea.” Ideas grow on trees. They’re found on the streets and in garbage cans. When someone sneezes on you in the subway, you’re sprayed with an idea. When you look away from someone, there’s an idea burning to be cooked.
But ideas mean shit. Which is why you can’t copyright them. I wish one could. Then the shitty ones would’ve been taken and we’d have to force ourselves to be more original. Wonder why a lot of TV shows fail? Cuz some genius at the marketing department is coming up with blurbs like “HOUSE on stilletos’ to describe the new Julianna Margulies show. Hey, what if I hate HOUSE? Now you’ve ruined any chance of me giving this show a try. I know, I know…how else would people know what type of show this is. Fuck you!
I digress. :) I can’t even focus on a fucking blog post. How am I expected to manage my time? How did I get from fishes swimming to all this? Fuck fishes…I simply need to get my shit together.
Maybe I’ll clean my room. Now that’s a perfect excuse for not being able to write for another couple of days. Kiss my brown ass, movie script!!
March 19th, 2008 at 9:13 am
We have the same sign. I was once told that the overriding personality trait of those of us under the fishes was wishy-washiness. I’ve gone out of my way to be decisive ever since. Sometimes, wishy-washy would have been better, of course
March 19th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Funny thing, Jim, is that the ‘fish’ trade in me - and perhaps all ‘fishes’ (remembering Caligula - ie Peter O Toole) is what makes me tick. But most of the time it’s the yin/yang wheel spinning so hard it looks gray.
It may sound like I’m going mental, but it’s actually pretty cool when the wheel stops and the moment of clarity is, again, black and white.
March 19th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
a. If you’ve got a TV series in mind, just sit down and fucking write it.
b. Fish oil is the answer for everything. It really focuses you for some reason and you find yourself magically concentrating on stuff. Buy yourself some Omega 3 tablets and start working on that script. If I watch one more lawyer show on TV I’m going to blame you personally for not having created a better alternative
(seriously, the fish oil really works)
March 19th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Char: (a) It won’t be for TV, as of now, but yeah, man, just gotta fucking write it.
(b) Fish oil for a Piscean…love it!
March 19th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I’m not in the best position to give anyone advice about this kind of thing since I am constantly in the same position and rarely do anything about it. But, listen to Charbarred and just start working, dammit! Now I’m off to finish the blog post I started about a year ago…
March 19th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Bit of tough love here.
I’ll listen to y’all and start working on this thing. Thank you!
March 24th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Sometimes inspiration is just thin on the ground… At a writing class I once attended the teacher said that there is a plumbers saying “nothing in plumbing is forced”. His point was that nothing creative is, either. Sometimes, the spark just isn’t there for a while.
I did 40,000 words on a novel last month. This month? Nada, zilch. So I just edit the stuff I’ve already done, make notes of little snatches of conversation or jokes I might use, research places I might submit the finished article to and leave it at that. So long as you’re doing something, working on it some how, you will regain the momentum eventually.
Just my twopenorth.
Good luck.
BC
March 25th, 2008 at 1:48 am
[…] you to those who’ve commented on my Drained post. Along the lines of what BC said in one of those comments happened to me this past weekend. […]
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:09 pm
At every point in time the creative is faced with the reality of hitting that wall. In my own experience, I get paid to be creative, if you want to call it that. All day long I’m supposed to be the go-to crazy idea guy, and truth be told I haven’t been that person for a long time, at least professionally.
The sad thing is that when I started my blog, it was going to be a place where I could just do stuff for fun, but it’s gotten to the point where I feel too drained to draw. To drained to draw? Can you believe that?
Writing is hard work, especially if you take it seriously. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it, right? Just get the juices flowing, then come back to it later and do it again. If you get stuck, change your scenery…go to the library or to the airport or a park and observe. Inspiration is everywhere, just like you said. I thought some of your coolest photos were the “umbrella” series…you’re more creative than you may give yourself credit for. Perhaps you just need another jump start.
It’s just a matter of focusing the outside inward and finding your groove.
This has been your moment of zen.
Cheers.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Thank you, Joe! It’s when you guys respond and leave your thoughts is when it makes it all worthwhile.