The Only Thing That Really Matters Is…
…that we love something else.
Whaa? Let me explain. Any two people can love each other. Loving another person is quite easy with the attraction, admiration, lusting after, respect (rarely though) and what have you doing bulk of the leg work. Most of the time, however, we measure love with how much of that attraction remains for the other - cool, if that floats your parade balloons.
What’s the biggest cause of break-ups? Someone tunes out. Because, after all, loving someone can become boring too when (s)he falls in a pattern. Also, half a couple growing as an individual will cause the couple to limp on till death does it apart. How many times have you heard people say: “My life is a blank canvas now”, “I need to find out who I am”, “I need to figure out what else is out there”? All are basically a nicer way of saying, “You got boring, amigo/a.”
If I’m passionate about making movies and my girlfriend/wife is passionate about genetic engineering, we both have a world we can go to for individual growth and stimulation. We’d then come back to each other a day older and a lesson wiser. We’d share stories of our world away from our world together. I’d love that when we have coffee together in the morning. I’d love that when we meet for lunch. I’d love that at the dinner table or at the couch, watching TV. I’d love that before we turn the lights out and go to sleep - or not 
Growth of both partners outside of a relationship is crucial for couple-happiness. Or am I just speaking for myself?
In reality, most couples are just fine giving ‘growth’ a middle finger and being able to just fuck, eat, and go out. When they start to bore each other after a while, only one of those activities survives. The smart thing to do at that point is to surrender to the half that does the grocery shopping.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Antoine Saint-Exupery (The Little Prince) had a great quote that I may not get exact, but the idea is what matters.
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
I believe that. And, yes, it helps the growth of the couple to experience individual growth, too.
April 29th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I like this, very different. I agree that independence and happiness outside the relationship are essential to happiness in the relationship. Plus there is something to talk about when you have two people doing fascinating things. Nice post. V
April 29th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Thank you both for your thoughts!
April 29th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Excellent post, Emon. I absolutely agree with you. People seem to think that the more you have in common with someone, the more you do things together… the more successful your relationship is. For me, that’s just too boring. While it’s nice to have someone who shares your interests, independence is a must.
May 2nd, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Top words. I reckon the most important thing is to be friends, which means you have to have individual interests you can talk about. Mr BC and I do quite a lot of stuff together but we are very different so there’s acres of ground to see things differently or discuss alternative viewpoints.
I love the standing together looking out quote, too. To me it’s that you stand together and share your own private warped sense of humour about what’s going on around you!
Cheers
BC
May 3rd, 2008 at 3:31 pm
[…] thought of it that way. I still think the point I’d made about couples growing outside of a relationship to have a healthy one is valid. But BC’s […]