emonome

Yellow cabs are turning green by 2012. Now the city’s restaurants are dropping trans fat.

In other news, the city’s noise code also goes into effect today. Whether we realize it or not, all of us in NYC are a little bit deaf. I understand it will make me ignore racist remarks a little better but not by screwing up my co-ordination.

Living in Washington Heights, I see hundreds of bikers on weekends right on Fort Washington Ave. Just recently, when I took a long and winding walk to locate the tennis courts by the river, I found a few bikers were lost and asking around for directions. In case you were wondering, a biker’s map is available online. The Google Earth map is pretty cool as well.

* Suggestion - If you’re a biker, travel around often, and love Google Maps, why haven’t you created your own My Maps on Google? Did you know you can drag and create your own paths on maps, post little markers with pics, and publish the map for all fellow bikers? Mm mm…think about it.

 

Since I’m feeling generous today, due to the nice weather, I’ll share some interesting things NYC has to offer that you might like. Whatever you’ve heard about New York being whatever, it’s all bullshit. We’re very nice people. Unless you piss us off at the wrong time of the day. If you give us attitude because you have a pre-conceived idea about New Yorkers, we’ll super-size it for you and shove it down your throat.

YOU: How do you get to Carnegie Hall, you New York piece of shit? (the part after the comma is always expressed by your faces, not words)

US: Google it, you ____________ motherfucker!

Therefore, don’t be a prick. Smile, at least, and ask:

YOU: Excuse me, how do you get to Carnegie Hall, please?

US: I hear it’s practice, but taking any of the blue, orange, and yellow lines to 57th Street should be a short walk away from the legendary hall built in 1890 by Mr. Andrew Carnegie.” Unless, of course, you are a bus person.

YOU: Oh, how nice! Thank you!

US: You’re welcome! Where are you coming from?

YOU: Scotland, actually.

US: Ah, did you know there’s a Carnegie Hall in your country as well, also financed by Mr. Carnegie?

YOU: No, I didn’t know that! You’re a wealth of knowledge aren’t you?

US: Nah, I’m just a little hot dog salesman with a PhD in Linguistics.

YOU: Um, well…thank you for your help! See you!

US: Hey!

YOU: Yes?

US: How about you buy a fucking hot dog? I’m running a business here.

In short, folks, be nice to New Yorkers.
Okay, so here we go:

• Never learned to swim? No problem, free classes throughout the boroughs.
• Wondering where you can relax, chill, and just play?
• Not into the whole gym thing? You’re an outside person, I assume. Mm hmm.
• Shakespeare doesn’t have to be for grown-ups.
• Can’t find your voice as a writer? You’re not alone…and here you won’t be.
• Stop feeling blue, ditch the pills and prescribe yourself some blues.
• Cafe Tacuba does Central Park (July 14th)
• Guess who’s playing the MLK Jr. Free concert series.
• A bit of an old-fashioned person? Oh I don’t know…perhaps the 19th century needlework is more your cuppa joe.
• It just might not be too late to learn how to dance under - if not with - the stars.
• Unleash your inner pirate, but start small.
• Love the parks so much you’d like to film or photograph without having to play hide and snap? Unless you really love the ‘adventure’ get the permits and shoot in peace.