by Emon Hassan on March 31, 2008

It’s a dirty word if you ask me. Compromising leaves one party a winner no matter how you argue to make a case for it. Two parties compromising makes for one happier party. In business, and in war, you can deal with compromises better because you do it for the greater good that includes others in the mix. You may feel like you’ve lost ground on certain things yet feel good about the decision making lives, or living, better for others besides yourself.

Personal compromises are harder to deal with. We hear everyday about how we ought to compromise to make this work and that work. Why? “Well, because, when you really love someone…” Every one except you seem to know better about the “when you really love someone” factor. Perhaps you should delight in being in the company of the 40% of the population who stay married. I personally think people misunderstand the term ‘compromise’. This is how I understand compromising (it may seem an extreme version of it) “I’ll stop doing this if you stop doing that.” “You don’t like pets and don’t want them in the house, so I’ll get a smaller pet” is not. That’s getting dick-spanked by a man or pussy-whipped by a woman.

Yes, I’m admitting I’m not a pet person. And whatever does that mean anyway…being a pet person? Why am I being polite? The mere mention of my not liking pets of my own – esp. dogs – gets pet lovers all worked up and accusing me as if I’ve been beating them up. If you think I’m a lesser person because I don’t want a dog – or cat – in my house, so be it. I could give a shit. I like dogs and cats just fine. I used to fear dogs like I fear heights. I was chased by 10 farm dogs when I was a kid and couple of other times by stray dogs. You tell me that’s not enough to fucking have dog nightmares than I don’t know what else to tell you. I used to cross the street when I saw someone walking a dog, walking towards me. It would be as tiny as my iPod but I still feared it. I’m not afraid of dogs anymore. Hey, some of them are darn cute and all with the skateboarding, fetching the newspaper, and sharing the screen with Frasier Crane. I salute seeing-eye dogs. But I won’t have any as a pet. Same for cats. Same for fishes. Same for birds. Why the fuck would anyone want to have birds caged in their homes?

Enough about compromises, how about my not wanting pets? Anyway…I’ve been doing a check-list of things I’d absolutely never compromise to be with another person. It’s not a very long list…yet. I don’t care to list them here because I’m not looking for a wife. Why am I doing a check list all of a sudden? It started with The Kite Runner. Trust me, I wouldn’t be able to make the connection if I wanted to but you’re welcome to read what I had to say about experiencing that film.

However, it would be rude to tease and bore you with my issue with compromises and not give you a little glimpse. Are they future-flexible? I’d have said yes some months ago but I don’t know anymore. By the way, “I don’t know” is the best answer a person can ever give. It’s probably the truest. More you learn, the less you know. “I don’t know” suggests openness to greater answers; “I know” is taking the first step towards blindness. Eat this, Maharishi. Here’s a portion of that list:

1) I still like ‘Family Guy.’ I thought I had grown to hate it but I don’t. The humor doesn’t always hit it, but I don’t care. I laugh.

2) I can’t stand ‘Friends.’ Can’t stand movies or television shows that have characters talking to the camera. Turn the fuck around and let me have my fourth wall. I can’t stand Bollywood movies. You may be the perfect person in the world but I will never sit and watch a Bollywood movie with you. Even if you think it helps you understand my culture. Bollywood’s not a culture, you fucking fuck!

3) I love living in the city. You can call my New York City crowded, dirty, and all sorts of other dirty words but this is my home.  I may make millions of dollars and may be able to afford a small island in the Pacific Ocean, but I want to live in New York. I could give a shit about a backyard and children playing in it. That, however, is flexible based on how cute the kids turn out to be. :)   And besides, backyard will be useless since the smog outside will be so thick and the constant acid rains that…you get my drift.

4) I love to behave like a kid – as if I’ve not said that enough in this little blog of mine. If you ever tell me I should grow up I’ll kick your fucking ass and then leave it behind.

5) I don’t smoke, drink, or eat certain foods. I’ll never compromise those for anyone.

6)  I’ll say and write what I want, photograph what I like, ridicule who I want to, speak my mind the way I please, and judge whomever I desire. If that bothers you, I’ll call you a cab. If my opinions offend you, you can call yourself a cab.

7) When it’s my work, my words, my pictures…

…eh…you get the point. This, after review, doesn’t look a whole lot like a non-compromise list, rather a rant. So be it. So how certain am I that I’ll stick to them? How do I know the right person won’t come to my life one day and turn all this upside down?

I knew you were going to ask that during the final act of this post. Which is why I worked in something during the second act of this post. And that is…

“I don’t know.”

[Fade out, beyotch!]

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