The need to talk when something is on my mind is excruciating, this need to share and express, especially when something bothers me a great deal. Sometimes I’ll use that urge creatively and sometimes I can’t find a reason other than gab to someone.
Unfortunately, not all ears are prepared to hear your thoughts. Not everyone will get that ‘song’ you’re trying to write. The biggest fear is to share what bothers me and have someone give me the ‘You’re crazy for thinking that’ look or the silence over the phone that is louder than a truck running over me. So you long for that pair of ears that gets you. But that ear is not always there for you. Because the person attached to those ears has a life his/her own to deal with.
Or you’re glad you have a blog like this and write a post just like this and hope someone knows what the fuck you’re babbling about. The urge to share dissolves eventually and you become like them and laugh at the importance you gave that ‘ridiculous’ thought that ate you away the previous night and the following morn.
I find how people behave very confusing sometimes. At the same time I understand why they do things they do. Ain’t that a bit fucked up? Two things happened yesterday and today – one directed towards me that was confusing as hell – and bordering on bizarre – and the other about a couple I read in a magazine whose behavior were tearing them apart, alienating others but…made complete sense to me. Maybe this internal tug of war is good for what I do.
Which is what, exactly?