Doctor: I’m sorry, Carl, you have only 10 more to live.
Patient: Oh my God!! 10 what? Months? Weeks? Days?
Patient: Doctor, it hurts when I do…this.
Doc: Okay…then don’t do that.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie…
Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn’t I, you stupid Son-of-a-bitch!!!!!
During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
“Doctor,” she replied shyly, “I just can’t undress in front of you.”
“All right,” said the physician, “I’ll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you’re through.”
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: “Doctor, I’ve undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?”
“Put them on the chair, on top of mine.”
Doctor: You’re in good health. You’ll live to be 80.
Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you.
A man comes to a doctor because of sore throat. The doctor tells him to pull down his pants and to swing his genitals in the window. “What does this have to do with my throat?” “Nothing, I just hate the neighbors.”
A doctor gave a guy six months to live. He didn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.”
2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”